When It’s Time to Go

I have seen my fair share of grief with death over my lifetime.

I lost a father at age 12 from excessive drinking, and an older brother whom I was close to, from suicide when I was 18. My mother died at 72 from a heart attack when I was 36. My older brother died at age 49 of melanoma when I was 38. The good news is my older sister and I are still on the planet.

Now I’m of the age where I have seen lots of others go through loss as well, and hope I have helped them through the tough times and made suggestions that helped before the end of life came.

I have learned a few things along the way. What I have learned is that, no matter what happens to you, have your house in order. This will make it easier for those left behind. Whether it’s a living trust or just a simple will, get it done while you are of sound mind. Think about writing down where this stuff is (safe deposit box, bank accounts, investments, etc.) for your relatives so it’s a bit easier when they are in their grieving period. I know none of this is fun to consider or even do, but it’s most likely long overdue, so try to get it done while you still can.

The other real important thing is to set aside old woes with relatives or siblings. I mean make peace with them if that has not yet been done. My brother on his death bed apologized to me for being, well, let’s just say not being a nice guy to my deceased younger brother and me over a long period.

It was such a great gift for the two of us who were still alive to realize that all those years that we were distant was really a big waste of time. That gift from him in his last days talking about what really matters was a real sea-change for me to carry on through life with a much different perspective on my brother.

If any discontentment is still current in your life with others, it’s time to let go of it. Get it out in the open and get through it. That’s a gift for all involved, especially yourself.

I have had a great life and, when my time comes, I will know others will keep me alive in their memories. That’s how I like to think about death.

Mark Cortright, 72, lives on Liscom Hill near Blue Lake and is still making pots after all these years.