Enduring Mysteries

• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

• Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

• Why do people constantly open the refrigerator in hopes of finding something new to eat?

• Why do people run the vacuum over a string a dozen times, then pick it up, examine it and put it down again to give the vacuum one more chance?

• How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

• Whose cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else off?

• Why, in winter, do we keep the house as warm as it is in summer when we complain about the heat?

• One out of every four persons suffers from some sort of mental illness. Think of three friends. If they’re OK, then …

• My memory of song lyrics from the ’70s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

— No one takes the blame for these