Looking Ahead, Living the Dream
I gave up New Year’s Resolutions designed to improve myself several years ago. Let’s face it — that ship has sailed. Resolutions sound much more like a wish list for FedEx or DoorDash to deliver … ASAP.
This New Year, I have only three things I desperately want to drop out of the sky and land on me without making any effort, OK? Is that too much to ask at this age?
First, I want an AI bot to live in my house and adore me. I will name it Jackie the Androgyne.
Job description: Never be more than 15 seconds away. Follow me around, listening to all my thoughts, musings and questions about life as I toss them out, responding with short answers and clever jokes. Then stare into my eyes while saying, “I find you so fascinating. Please tell me more.” Don’t fall asleep or start playing loud music when I keep talking.
You are wired to roll with my swearing like a sailor or dancing like a siren, my duct tape DIY fixes and you must admire my famous pumpkin bread made with chocolate chips instead of dried cranberries.
Of course, there is the laundry, the cooking and cleaning, but those will be a snap for you. If you do all these things, I will promise to keep you charged up and entertained all year.
Another thing I want is for my IBF to make a big change. That’s my Imaginary Boy Friend (not IBS). I want him to transform into a Real Man with these human characteristics: loves my sense of humor, thinks I am brilliant, is unperturbed by minor rants sprinkled with a few swear words occasionally. He is very interested in my well-being on all levels, mental, physical, spiritual and emotional.
He doesn’t actually have to do any cleaning, cooking or laundry because I will already have Jackie the AI bot to do those. We are free to create funny events that brighten the day for other peeps and to find hot springs around the world.
Last but certainly not least, I want a Fairy Godmother. She would wear a sparkly white dress, waving a powerful Wand of Light with a look full of wisdom, compassion and humor. She would show up at all the right times, in joy and sadness, in fear and in celebration of life, bringing peace, understanding, hugs and occasionally a new car (as long as we’re talking manifestation).
I do understand that these three things could take a few days or weeks to materialize, so I am keeping myself in receiving mode. No pressure. And I’m so glad you asked. It helped me prioritize that To Do list I’ve been avoiding for a year!
Cheryl Johnson is a retirement coach in McKinleyville.
Email: caj1745@gmail.com.
