No Rush: Savor Those Tender Sips of the Lips
I’ve had the good fortune to have loved deeply — and to have lost — and still be open to possibilities.
Some say, “Oh, I would never be in another relationship … too much compromise required.” Some say, “Older men are just looking for a nurse with a purse.” And some simply say, “I’m too old.”
But as author Brian Doyle once wrote, “The world is still stuffed with astonishments beyond our wildest imagining … .” I’m in Brian’s camp, still being astonished by beauty and savageness I never imagined, and interested in being astonished in good company.
But finding that person … ahh, such another matter. Some say, “Slow down and smell the roses,” while others say, “Seize the day!” Neither brings a knock on my door, which I would then open to be faced by a breathless man saying, “Is this the home of my next great love?”
“Ah, yes, well, maybe,” I might say. “Want a glass of water?”
If someone like that did come to my door, I still believe in being dazzled. It seems to happen at all ages, everywhere. Being dazzled is not a thought, but a visceral feeling. You notice this person and you want to talk with them, maybe you get flustered, you might stumble over your words, you might vibrate. Or you might feel completely at ease, laugh easily, discover you feel intently about the same thing, feel passionate about the same injustice, be speechless seeing the same sky.
I can’t say where to find this person. I can say that I have always been unsuccessful in seeking them out. But when they appear, if all goes well, along with being dazzled, touching happens.
Don’t underestimate touching! Don’t blow by it obsessing over sex that might happen. Savor these moments — your close proximity, sitting next to and feeling the heat of their leg next to yours, maybe touching an arm. It is still a bit like when we were teens, but with our age perspective. Don’t rush it. Enjoy that you’re feeling something. You’re with somebody new who you want to talk with and whom you’re dazzled by, so take your collective time. Find out a bit about who this person is, be courageous and honest, listen carefully and reply thoughtfully, and ask tender questions … savor these moments.
Maybe that will be as far as this thing goes, you don’t know. But if your stars align, if there are no “red flags down on the field,” warning signs that your gut and your intuition don’t miss, you just might find you’re drawn to a kiss.
Take your time with this, too. Stroll up to the gate of this beautifully walled garden of intimacy. Look into this person’s eyes and take sips of their lips, as though tasting a delicious wine. Lips are soft, so kiss softly, literally taste this person who dazzles you.
This kiss will tell you a million things. For a song about all kinds of kisses, listen to “Kisses” by bluegrass singer-songwriter Laurie Lewis on her “One Evening in May” album. It’s the best I’ve heard.
Judy Sears reviews her options in Arcata.
