Kazoos on Main Street
Imagine living in the fourth largest metro area in the country. You retire. You turn 70. You realize ya gotta get out of there. You need breathing room. You pack your worldly goods and depart for a town where you know no one.
Being an ol’ gal, you must visit the Social Security office in your new town. Waiting for your appointment, you chat with the ol’ gal next to you. Within a few minutes, you’re both 7 years old and decide to be best friends.
Your new best friend lives in Ferndale and, together, you join a newly formed band to march in the July 4th Main Street parade. Thirty folks arrive; most of our instruments were purchased in the toy aisle at Walgreen’s. We’re given five patriotic tunes. Now who among us knows all the lyrics to these songs, let alone how to huff and puff the notes by kazoo?
We start with “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” A “We know this” exhalation envelops the musicians. “And on 3,” the conductor bellows. “1, 2, 3 …” What emanates from the parking lot is the cry of 30 wounded animals, followed by a dreadful silence, followed by a cacophony of shrills, laughter and moans.
With an eye roll, our conductor volleys, “Let’s try formation: rows of four, short folks in front, graduating to tall in rear. Go.” This results in the melee of a disturbed anthill.
At the practice hour’s end we dissolve, wandering into a head-scratching future. So, we decide, if we’re going to be a spectacle we should be A Spectacle. Week after week, bandmembers’ attire becomes customized expressions of individualism: the county is stripped of anything red, white and blue. And week after week, our camouflage facilitates confidence, confidence → improvement; improvement → music. Week after week, the church parking lot slowly acquires a new band.
On July 4th, The Kazoo Band assembles with pride in celebration and pride in our metamorphosis from potentially Kafka to Oz’s Scarecrow. Gleaming smiles burst through puckered lips. Bright buzzing notes emerge from huffs and puffs as the crowd witnesses the birth of The World Famous Ferndale Kazoo Band.
In the end, we’re eclipsed only by The Lawn Chair Folding Brigade
Shinazy lives in Eureka and kazoos anywhere. She is a member of the Senior News Community Advisory Council.
