Growing Old with Benefits

When my husband died nine years ago, I suddenly found myself single again after 48 years in a loving, creative partnership. After giving myself time to adapt to such a big loss and change, I realized that I still longed for sex and physical closeness.

I was also aware of my daunting insecurity about my aging body, its softness, its slower responses, the way it no longer looked or behaved as it once did.

Now, at 83, I find myself in two long-term relationships with younger men, each about half my age. Both began more than two years ago after long conversations that allowed us to discover mutual interests and build trust.

John, 38, has always considered himself bisexual but had never explored that side of himself. Mark, 46, had a relationship with a male teacher in college and was seeking an older man, part mentor, part father figure, with whom he could connect. (Not their real names.)

Both men treat me with respect and care. Their lives are full and we share few common interests outside the times when our paths meet in my bedroom. I like them both, but I’m not in love with them. What I cherish is the pleasure of touching their youthful bodies, the fulfillment of my own desire for sex and physical intimacy, and the simple fun of being wanted. They do not mind that my body is old.

These relationships are not emotionally intimate, and I’m comfortable with that. I understand that either or both may end at any time.

I had a great adventure with my late husband, the love of my life. That chapter will always be part of me, but it is behind me now. As I watch my body and mind continue to age, I find myself deeply grateful for Mark and John. They add to a life already rich with friends, bringing me additional joy and pleasure. I feel comfortable. I am happy. I’m enjoying my benefits!

Roy Grieshaber lives in Eureka.