Happily Alone

I’ve lived alone (as in unpartnered — I do have a housemate) quite happily for many years. I’ve never been much good at multitasking, and I learned long ago that effectively managing a career and a committed relationship simultaneously was not within my capabilities.

Some things happened early on in my adult life that negatively impacted me and left me with major trust issues, but those issues are long ago in the past and best left buried. I live for today — not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday.

I’d like to say I thought through this life plan rationally, but in reality, life just happened.

My work in international software marketing involved a great deal of people engagement, most of it enjoyable, some of it challenging. There were a few casual flings along the way, but there really wasn’t room in my life for any kind of one-to-one relationship. The unarticulated (at the time) choice was between focusing on a fulfilling career that had good potential to deliver financial security over the long term, or developing a relationship that didn’t yet exist and might never exist.

Did I choose the easy option? For me, I think the answer was yes. My life has unfolded in ways it likely would not have had I taken the domesticated route my brother took, and I have to admit it was a relief that he took on the responsibility of delivering grandchildren to my parents. It worked for him, but in my heart I know it would not have worked for me.

I have had the freedom to up and move from one country to another, from one coast to the other, to move to a town I’d never been to before and make a whole new life I’d never considered before that would last beyond the career I’d grown slowly away from.

I’ve always followed my own serendipity, and I simply can’t imagine having to consider someone else in every decision I make — never mind having someone else around the house all the time. Sounds selfish, I know, but I guess some of us are just not made to be intimate partners. Instead, I feel partnered with a whole community on a different — and, for me, much more fulfilling — level.

Pat Bitton, 74, is happy to share her bed with cats rather than humans.