AGING IS AN ART: My Privilege

While my wife, Janet, was alive, our financial situation was simple.

All of our assets were in both our names and I made sure that if something happened to me, Janet, while dealing with her terminal illness, could quickly access enough cash to move into a care facility.

Nothing happened to me and Janet died at home. Everything is now in my name, and now I am “confronted” with what happens to it all when I die.

Let me state at the outset that I recognize and own the privilege of that “confrontation.” Whether the privilege is based in class, race, gender or any combination thereof, the first and most important step is its recognition. The next step is, of course, what you do with that privilege. I was now about to find out in very direct and practical ways exactly what I was going to do with mine.

My privileged financial “confrontation,” under the guidance of a law firm in Eureka, has lasted almost seven months. I am now waiting to approve the final written draft of what has been a soul-searching and often nerve-racking journey. It has also been, however, one of the most transformative experiences of my life.

My former Humboldt State University colleagues Sam and Pearl Oliner researched and studied why some people risked their lives to help Jews during the Holocaust. Their research, published as “The Altruistic Personality,” concluded that people who risked their lives recognized that they existed in a moment of time in which an action on their part would make a significant difference. People who did not help did not recognize the existence of that moment.

I have always recognized those moments. Facing the final chapter of my life, I value that ability more than ever. Whose lives can gifts from my trust help? Which organizations could benefit the most from my privileged gifts?

These are not politically correct theoretical discussions among friends. Confronting these issues and beliefs and then making “final draft” decisions as to who gets what and how after my death is a life-altering experience.

I have come to see that the value of privilege depends on what we do with it.

I know that my life has been enriched by the end-of-life decisions made by people here in Humboldt County who I didn’t know. Organizations that serve us all have also benefitted from those end-of-life decisions.

Now that I am in this position, I hope my decisions and actions will enrich the lives of a few people.

Janet would like that.

John Heckel, Ph.D., is a member of the Senior News Community Advisory Council and a retired HSU theatre and film professor with a doctorate in psychology. Email: jh2@humboldt.edu.