HOMEGROWN: Learning to Say NO

Apparently, I am a workaholic, even though I haven’t had a “real” job for years. I applied to be a dishwasher last year and was not even called for an interview. I was a waitress in 1956 — that might have been too revealing for the employer. Their loss.

So I work fulltime without pay. I’m happy about it, too.

Did you know the test for an introvert? When they arrive at a party, they go straight to the kitchen and wash dishes. I love that role. My friends think I am an extrovert. It is not true. The proof is at the sink.

Nevertheless, now that I am “retired” (again), I am asked to help with all kinds of projects. I am still willing to wash dishes, but will use the following to gently turn down all other requests.

I can’t afford gas so am dependent on public transportation.

My battery is at 1%. I need to plug into the charger.

My ego says yes, but my rational self has to decline.

I’m already fully booked for being a functioning human being.

I regret to inform you that circumstances at this time necessitate my declining.* I must take a rain check due to the Humboldt weather.

While the offer is highly appealing, my schedule leaves no room.

I’m too busy meditating and distilling gin.

Yes, I am retired but I need to be paid for my time.

My calendar is fiercely protective of that time.

I’ll have to pass the torch on this one.

I have bats in my belfry and can’t get rid of them.

I’m cranky, so it is best I just keep to my solo garage projects.

I’m not here right now. Please call 911 if you need urgent help.

Sorry, I’m dying. Unfortunately, my bandwidth is stretched to the max right now.

I am baking and freezing 50 loaves of zucchini bread.

I am setting up a bread stand in my front yard.

Too busy removing stems from huckleberries.

I am removing pampas grass from Moonstone Beach. Want to help?

I’m keeping to myself. I haven’t finished Wordle yet. My mother won’t let me out to play. Thanks, I’m going to sit this one out.

I’m working through my bucket list and this is not on it.

My car won’t start. That won’t work for me, but thank you!

What? I didn’t hear you. Huh? I am at my wits end. Call me in 2028.

*This one is AI-generated.

Julie Fulkerson, former businesswoman, elected official, violinist and community organizer, is still practicing her “No” skills. Email: juliefulkerson@mac.com.