It felt scary at first, the idea of me, an old guy, writing about sex and intimacy. To discuss such private things in public seemed like trouble, like being caught outside bare-assed in broad daylight. In other words, exposed. Vulnerable. An interesting problem, since I believe that to be intimate, in sex or ...

Several years ago, I was delivering stacks of Senior News in Arcata and as I approached the doors of a senior apartment building, a man on a bench waved at me. “Hi!” I said. “Want a copy of the paper?” “Is there any sex in it?” he asked. None in that issue, but he might find some in this month’s edition, whic...

Over 2,000 years ago, Marcus Tullius Cicero said, “For old age is respected only if it defends itself, maintains its rights, submits to no one, and rules over its domain until its last breath.” My wife, Janet, took that last breath with the help of meds offered under California’s End-of-Life-Option Act in our...

I’ve had the good fortune to have loved deeply — and to have lost — and still be open to possibilities. Some say, “Oh, I would never be in another relationship … too much compromise required.” Some say, “Older men are just looking for a nurse with a purse.” And some simply say, “I’m too old.”...

Intimacy is often misunderstood as simply physical closeness, but its true essence lies in the willingness to be known and the desire to deeply know another. According to relationship experts, intimacy is one of the three pillars of a healthy, lasting partnership, alongside passion and commitment. Yet, as the...

All five of us kids are Boomers. Our parents were products of the Depression, World War II and the Post-War boom — exciting, if not romantic, times of rapid change. Struggling young workers in the midst of fast-moving history, Wes and Mary couldn’t see it swirling all around them, while I, their confused elde...

As a therapist, I have dealt with a lot of adolescent sexual issues, mostly trauma and abuse. I have seen very few seniors. But I have started to wonder how senior care homes and assisted living facilities deal with sexuality. Is the myth that seniors lose interest in sex as they age still common? I have frie...

I write not as an expert, but as a fellow traveler, one who has lived long enough to know that intimacy is not something we lose with age. It is something we are asked to relearn. Our bodies change. Our histories deepen. Silence can grow heavier if we let it. Many of us carry grief in one pocket and prescript...

That day of days when you were allowed to acknowledge a fondness for the opposite sex, legally allowed to write her, and she you. She might be the popular girl who smelled of raspberries, wore a clip in her hair, sat near the front or middle, where you studied her. She never got in trouble, never had scabs on...

I’ve lived alone (as in unpartnered — I do have a housemate) quite happily for many years. I’ve never been much good at multitasking, and I learned long ago that effectively managing a career and a committed relationship simultaneously was not within my capabilities. Some things happened early on in my adult ...

This February marks the 100th anniversary of the founding of Black History Month, created in 1926 by Harvard-trained historian and educator Carter G. Woodson to promote fair representation of Black history and accomplishments. By the 1960s and the Civil Rights Movement, “Negro History Week” had expanded to a ...

As a widower going into the seventh decade of my life, I began to consider what it would be like to be in an intimate relationship again. A wise friend I spoke with about this told me, “At your age, your relationship can look like whatever you want it to look like."

When my husband died nine years ago, I suddenly found myself single again after 48 years in a loving, creative partnership. After giving myself time to adapt to such a big loss and change, I realized that I still longed for sex and physical closeness. I was also aware of my daunting insecurity about my aging ...

One night when I’m in pain, I ask my partner to put his hand on my back and simply rest it there. I’ve had three back surgeries for nerve damage and I also have postherpedic neuralgia, a complication of shingles. I’ve tried myriad medications and alternative treatments, too. Nothing helps as much as my lover’...

Twenty-five years ago, I had the honor to direct Humboldt County’s first local production of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues.” It sold out every seat for three nights. Back then, Eureka Theater board members — none of whom had a vagina — refused to put the word “vagina” on the marquee. It simply read, “Mo...

When British poet laureate John Betjeman was asked what he regretted not long before he died at 77 in 1984, he supposedly replied that he wished he’d had more sex. In our 50s… Despite children and work and moving forward with still strong sexual attraction, we always found time for lovemaking. And more good n...

I was born and raised in Kansas and received my religious guidance from my grandmother. Our church believed that lipstick or dancing were the devil’s work. That should give you a clue that sex was not a topic discussed at the dinner table. Remember when Elvis was on “The Ed Sullivan Show”? I was excited. I tu...

I am no longer the fragrance of apples. My hair spilling down and around my partner’s chest is only a distant memory. My curves ... are gone. I am medicated powder in the folds of my belly and under cotton flannel, Arnica on my hammer toes. Our blanket, old, frayed and favorite, protects from this reality, en...

I ran into a friend at the post office the other day. She had a December Senior News clutched with her holiday cards and junk mail, and wanted to know the January topic. She wants to write something, she told me, for perhaps the 20th time. “Transitions,” I said. Changes coming in 2026. I recited my bit about ...

“What a wondrous thing a hummingbird is — a flash of life and color.” — Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)